The Process of Saying Goodbye through Acceptance.

It has been eight weeks now since my mother has passed.  While I think of her every day that goes by, the process of saying goodbye is just that, a process.  I am coming to accept, slowly as it may be, that she is gone and that I will never speak to or be with her ever again.  While in many ways I do not believe that I have fully come to terms with what has happened, I am finding comfort in a concept that I was introduced to to in recovery, that of acceptance.  My work is to stand in the space of acceptance.

While the process of saying goodbye is still painful it is assisted by accepting that what happened did happen in the way that it was supposed to happen.  It was perfect, perfect cause it happened in God’s world.  My work, as difficult as it may be at times, is about coming to terms with what happened, of learning to accept it fully, not make anything wrong about the process and knowing that it happened as it was intended to happen.  Acceptance is about accepting that my mother passed in the way that she did and that it could not have been any other way.

Everyday is about saying goodbye to my mother, being gratitude that she brought me into the world, that she was there for me in so many ways and that she loved me without condition.

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The Acceptance of a Passing.

On July 1st my mother passed.  I was there to witness it, to witness her taking her last breathe.  I feel honored to have been there.  This is was loving woman, my mother, who brought me into the world.  I had the honor of witnessing her leaving it.

The emotions and feelings over the past seven weeks have been many.  I miss her, I am sad beyond words.  I at times will call her house, and leave a message on the answering machine as if she will answer it, knowing full well she will not.  I know it is about my grieving process and I know that this is what I have to do to heal myself.  The loss is, along with the passing of my father, one the biggest things that I have ever experienced.

While difficult as it may be, I know that I will come to accept it, to know that it happened in divine order.  The passing of my mother is the way that it was meant to be, and my work is to accept it completely.  My acceptance will not take away the love I have for her, that will remain with me forever.  My work is simply to surrender to her passing, as I eventually must to my own when it happens.

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The Work of Generating Positive Language and Words.

The work of transformation is about creating a new life, about creating a new self.  This self, as we know, exists in language.  Who we are is our thought, our beliefs and what we say, our Word.  To transform, to alter our existence has to be done on the level of our Word, what we say and put out into the world, as that is what will come back to us, what will show up as our experience.

This work that I refer to is exactly that, work.  At first the work will be merely an idea that we are contemplating, not necessarily doing.  Then we will take on doing it, saying positive words, putting them out into the world.  Shortly after we generate positive words we will probably go back to what we did in the past.  The tendency in the beginning of the transformation is to keep what we have in existence, to not give it up immediately.  It is only through constant staying with this work of generating positive language, of continuing to generate positive words, even when we go back to being negative, that the work actually starts to happen, that actually starts to show up in our life.

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The Connection at work and with being of service.

My work is about being of service to others.  I believe that what Dan Millman said in the Peaceful Warrior about the highest purpose is for us to be of service to others.  It is a giving and the creation of transformation for others, through the program of recovery.  It is not that I can change anyone but rather that I can have a conversation about transformation, about them transforming their life.

The message, so to speak, comes from many levels.  It comes from the thoughts I have about something I have read or have been working in my studies.  At times I am not sure where the message comes from.  Tonight was one of those moments.  When I speak in group, for example, there have been times where I believe it was not be speaking, rather something or someone else.  Such a moment happened again tonight.

I believe that what generated the conversation about transformation came from that connection that we practice restoring.  Dyer wrote of this in his book, The Power of Intention.  The connection is to our intention, to that which connects us all to each other, creating unity.

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Commitment in the Face of our Self Limiting Belief.

One of the keys to transformation is to honor our commitment to transforming our life.  Once we create the intention to transform we set into motion the particulars and specifics of what it will take for us to create the life that we say we want.  Such a process will involve having integrity, staying to that which we say we will do, completing it the way it was supposed to happen and doing that which we need to do to its completion.

Once we set this process into motion things may start to happen.  No, they will happen, roadblocks will appears where before there were none.  Things will happen in life, things will appear as though they are blocking our transformation.  Our work is to move through them, to accept things as they are, to give up our resistance to how things are, to surrender, and to push on anyway.

One of the barriers or constraints that we will be confronted with will not be about other people, places and things. Rather, the roadblock will be something we generate.  It will be our very thoughts and beliefs, thoughts and beliefs that we have about ourselves.  We will create the limits to that which we live our life, and we will do so with respect to and in conflict with our intention to transform our life.  What it will take is for us to stay present to our commitment and even in the face of our self limiting belief, transform who we think we are, who we are to ourselves and the world.  We simply have to do the work.